


Timeless

by AddlynCarstairs



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Death, F/M, Forbidden Love, Forgiveness, Pain, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27223474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddlynCarstairs/pseuds/AddlynCarstairs
Summary: When one is dying they tend to relive their biggest regrets. In this case her regrets manifest as a physical being.
Kudos: 2





	Timeless

**Author's Note:**

> (I don't know why I like to write stuff like this. I also wrote this while feeling immense pain and sadness so I suppose this is a way of venting out my own emotions. I haven't written anything, or rather, posted anything in a very long time so please cut me some slack. Left this open to everyone's imagination and didn't write any names but you can imagine who I was thinking of while writing. Again, I apologize for such crude writing but forgive me. I'm trying to get into writing again.)

Today shouldn’t have been the day I died.

I should have gotten married today to the person I thought I loved the most. To the person I had trusted my life with. Instead I lay under the white canopy covering the altar, my white robe stained with red. My chest heaved as I gasped for air that my lungs  couldn't receive.

The sounds of chaos filled my ears as everyone stumbled to get out of the open field the wedding had been taking place in. A few caring souls scurried to me in an attempt to drag me out of the field but the look on their already pale faces made me realize that I couldn’t be saved.

All I could do was watch them as they ran away, saving their own lives. I didn't blame them. I could hardly move my head to watch the chaos around me but even then I could still feel warm tears slide down my cheeks. I was as dead as the flowers that I had crushed underneath me when I collapsed.

**_“Such a sad fate for someone who had done so much for those around her. I would have thought your death of old age...not betrayal.”_ **

The disembodied voice that haunted my dreams spoke to me. It was as though  _ he _ was in the open meadow with me. 

“Funny….you who I killed….are my only company now.”

Everyone that had been attending my wedding had left. Leaving the meadow empty except for my dying self. I managed to move my head to look up at the sky, it was a beautiful day. The sun was high in the bright blue sky with no clouds in sight. 

**_“I am sorry.”_ **

The same voice that had called out to me before spoke once more. 

“Sorry for what?” my voice was hoarse now, It was getting harder to keep my eyes open. All I wanted was to sleep now, even if it was just for a little bit.

**_“For leaving you to this hell.”_ **

I managed to smile at the words. “My life is...was...a living hell. This is nothing new to me.”

**_“Yet you still manage to smile in your state. Even after the man you thought you loved stabbed you in the heart.”_ **

What would have been a laugh from me came out as a gurgling choke, blood flowing from my mouth. “It seems that love was never for me.”

**_“Not in this life, no. Are you suffering?”_ **

The deep voice was like a warm blanket to my cold body. The sun may have been at its highest but it brought me little warmth.

“Yes and no.” When my husband-to-be had stabbed my heart I had pulled the blade away from my chest without thinking. There was pain at first, blossoming across my chest but whether it was from the knife or the betrayal I couldn’t figure out. 

**_“I am sorry.”_ **

The voice repeated, this time  _ his  _ voice held a pain of its own.

“This wasn’t your fault. You warned me and I didn’t listen, like always it is my fault.” The sun was becoming unnaturally bright, almost as though it was trying to make up for the warmth it couldn’t give me. 

**_“Painful...isn’t it?”_ **

There was a certain anger in  _ his _ voice now. As though he had wanted me to feel this but was dissatisfied with how it had happened.

“The wound or the betrayal?” it was getting much harder to speak, words were mere whispers now but I knew that I would be heard either way. 

_ “ **I gave you pain but rewarded you with pleasure...yet that was not enough for you. Instead you loved a man who gave you pleasure but rewarded you with unmeasurable pain.”** _ A sigh came from the disembodied voice. 

“If it makes you feel better, I am in pain.” It might have been from the blood loss or the fact that I was dying but my breaths quickened and became shallow. The sudden realization of what was happening hit me. 

“I am in pain because I could have avoided all this by just turning my head. I am in pain because I decided to sacrifice my life for the greater good and risking everything in the process. I am in pain for being who I am and yet still regretting saving the lives of the innocent.” The words were slipping out of my mouth in desperation now, trying to say everything that I couldn't have said before without feeling regret.

“Yet, most of all...I am in pain because I could not love the man I had sworn my love to. Instead I pretended to love a man whom my heart did not love. This is the cause of my nightmarish pain...everything else I could handle but this…” I closed my eyes, the light of the sun was unbearable now and there was no warmth coming from it.

****

**_“Seeing you in pain does not make me feel better. Neither does watching you die when this could have been easily avoided.”_ **

“Spare me the lectures...I wish to die without being reprimanded by a ghost.”

**_“Ghost?”_ **

“You are a ghost. Haunting my conscience for having killed you instead of saving you like I did everyone else.” 

**_“I am your biggest regret?”_ **

The voice was close to me now, as though the being I wanted to ask forgiveness from the most was lying beside me. I humored myself and let my head slump to the side towards the voice. 

To my surprise, a pair of gray eyes stared back at me. 

**_“Am I a ghost now?”_ **

I didn’t have time to answer as I burst into weak sobs. This was all a dream, it had to be for him to be here. “I...Forgive me!” I used all my remaining energy to reach out to touch his cheek, it was warm and very much real. “I shouldn’t have...your death was my fault and my biggest regret..”   
  


**_“_ _You are all I have ever needed,” he said. “You are the whole of my being. We are one, neither one of us can exist in peace without the other.”_ **

I watched in silent agony as he pressed my hand harder against his cheek, his eyes never leaving my own. This was more than a hallucination and his words were reassurance to my guilty conscience. Yet I still hurt over the thought of his own pain. Of him having lived for so long, all alone. “After I die….will we be together?”

**_“We are together now.”_ **

The world seemed to pause when he spoke those words, the wind and the ever singing birds became silent. All I could hear was his soft breathing and the lullaby of his beating heart. It was music to my ears that I realized I had missed so very much.

**_“Is that not enough, my love?”_ **

“This is more than enough.” I ran my hand from his cheek to his soft black hair, watching him carefully as a smile appeared on his face. “I think I realize now that I have loved you since I’ve first laid eyes on you. It’s as if I knew who you were from the very beginning.

**_“There is no end to our story. Timeless...our love is timeless.”_ **

After a while of fighting to stay awake I finally let my eyes close. I wasn’t afraid of him disappearing, no. Neither was I afraid of waking up and this being all a dream. Instead I embraced the thought of my death peacefully while I let my mind drift off into the unknown with  _ his  _ words as my guide.  _ He _ will forever be a part of me, neither one of us will ever be alone. This was our eternal fate.

Timeless….That is what our love will forever be. In every lifetime we share together whether we remember each other or not. Our souls will eternally search for one another.

After all, our love is timeless.

**__  
  
  
**

**Author's Note:**

> I don't expect anyone to read this or even like it. At this point this is just me writing out my emotions in an odd way. If you did manage to read this then thank you so very much for giving this a chance even if this is just a jumble of words that hardly makes any sense now. Thanks.


End file.
